Wednesday, July 27, 2011

A Turning Point

To follow the same tradition I used for my blogs in livejournal, I'm going to find a webcomic that reflects well what I'm going to be talking about here

Expect a lot of XKCD.

So I picked this comic because, well, jsut last night I came into a questioning phase, a phase wherein I suffered an existential crisis. Remember when I talked about what I was going to talk about? I know I know I promised you a little about me, and believe me I'll get to that, but first this. Basically I questioned of myself am I actually living, or jsut simply alive? My friend Adam once proposed to me a question very similar, but in videogame terminology. The question carried on as "Do you feel you are going through life on the main quest and advancing to level 40 before you assault the boss? Or are you jsut putzing around doing a bunch of side quests unrelated to the story and you're still level 3?" He was playing a lot of Oblivion at the time and, my understanding anyways, in Oblivion you don't level up unless you do main story quests. Either way it was a profound question, and honestly I had difficulty answering it. I still do. Yes the point of life is to progress and advance yourself, to exist, and to do what is best for you and further your goals and desires so you achieve what you set out to do, but no matter how driven and goal-oriented one is, it is always wise to slow down and smell the roses. The big end boss of life is one no one has yet to conquer (except maybe Jesus, if you're keen on that faith, hard to say for me really) is Death. It is a natural part of life and the very thing that makes us appreciate it, so why try and arrive at the destination sooner? I find myself I'm more about putzing around at level 3 doing everything I can because, even if it's unrelated to what you want to do, experience is experience and everyone should be a teacher, because we can learn and further from each other.

My crisis was simple, what am I actually doing with my life and myself? I felt dead, and unmotivated. A long talk with a good friend of mine on World of Warcraft quickly set me straight. The real reason I felt dead was simple: I felt as if I needed to be loved by someone in relationship form to feel needed and valued, when in truth I should and do feel that way already. Sure it's always nice to have someone, it is what makes us truly whole, but we don't need to actively seek that one person, things will usually fall into place if you let them happen. I'm onyl 21, and shouldn't be worrying about those things. I have bigger fish to fry, I ahve  amain quest to trudge through! Though it brought up another reason why I felt dead. I'm my own person, and I live with my parents. I feel I need my own space, however I currently have little means to do so. School combined with current expenses leaves me drained, and I haven't a viable roomate as of yet. True currently the pros outweigh the cons, but I often feel I'm a disappointment, which of course isn't at all true, though I'm consistently in a state of self scrutiny and critisism in every aspect of my life. I feel it's the only way I improve, which is great for me, being a guitar player, to scrutinize my artistic ability, but for EVERY aspect, it ends up leaving me worried about shit I have no business worry about. That'll just shorten life! I've honestly been better than I was, but last night was, different. I guess I'm jsut trying to find my own little niche in this world and I'd rather not force anyone out of theirs, instead peacefully coexisting. But I'm going to rub elbows, conflict is a part of life. Question therefore becomes how will I handle it? Needless to say I solved my crisis, my solution was simply don't change who I am for anyone, don't compromise the aspects about me that make me who I am. In that I gain confidence, I gain pride, I gain a sense of direction and motivation, and I gain inspiration.

So in short, existential crisis was simple: If What I'm to have learn was what I already knew, did I learn anything? Yes I did, because my purpose was to set out learning something that ended up coming back to  what I already knew, I had simply forgotten at the time. The purpose of learning is to learn!

Anyways, as promised, a little about me: If you're asleep or have closed the webpage by now, well I can't say I'm surprised. if you're still reading, you either have insomnia or actually consider this waste of webspace drabble and shit interesting.

I'm 21 years old, been walking this earth for almost 22 winters now.
I have Nordic descent and blood in me, mostly Danish, but also Norwegian. English, Scottish, French, Welsh, Italian, Polish, Swiss, German, and probably a few I'm forgetting. Danish/Norwegian genes won out over everything, so thus, VIKINGS RULE!
Speaking of which, I am the son of Thor. It is acceptable if you just call me Thor.
I play guitar, have been for 7 years now. Yes, Thor weilds an axe. I lost my hammer... somewhere in Asgard. If you find it please call me.
I own three guitars, some say too many, none of them are guitar players. I have a Jay Turser SG, Fender HSS Stratocaster, and a Jackson King V Demmelition.
I play mostly Metal and Rock styles, but I love playing blues too. Always learning.
I'm currently drinking Sleeman Honey Brown Lager.
I'm an avid Vancovuer Canucks fan. That isn't going to change. Don't try and make it Change.
I'm a huge fan of music. GOOD Music. I know Music is a very subjective Genre but really, there is universally bad music out there. I will go on rants about this. My Top 3 genres are Metal, Classic Rock and Blues. Will venture into Modern rock, and depending on the day, the order of those genres change. Do not like Country or Hip Hop, some Pop is tolerable but most often annoying as hell. Some days I wish I owned a shotgun.
I love movies of most sorts, save Horror. Do not like horror. Never could get into it. Overactive imagination.
I rant a lot. You'll find this possibly amusing.
I am currently single. Not sure when that'll change, but it'll change for the right reason.
I tend to write a lot...just incase you didn't notice.
Religion? Curious subject, interesting theology and morality, questionable practices.
I'm currently studying, or rather will be studying, to be an Audio Engineer. Yes, I'm going to record shit. Good shit.
I'm a very open person, I like to joke around and skirt the bounds of what is and isn't appropriate. Usually makes people laugh, but I also say sorry for a lot of things.
I also tend to think too much, incase you didn't notice above...
Above all I am a paladin. What I mean by that is I'm a great shield. I stand up for my friends and would rather take a thousand hits than see any one of my friends take one. I'm a protector and a guardian, teaching others, making sure things are safe, posess righteous anger (hence the ranting...) and I do my best to do what I feel is right. So, don't make me angry or pissed. A pissed off Thor is a Thor you don't want to have to deal with.
I have a superhero Alias: Bra-Man (ok fine, it was kind of stolen from Least I Could Do but hey, I didn't see Rayne Summers at any one of my epic parties!)
I'm also known by: Sploch, Captain Irrelevant, Rothgan (or Rotharia on WoW)
Politically speaking I am small c conservative. That means I see society as a connected web where all levels are equally as important and what happens to one will undoubtedly affect the other. There is no separation, in fact it's a ripple and a wave. So I vote based upon who I feel is best reflective of this philosophy. Symbiotic bonding!
Honestly speaking, I'm a huge geek. Sci-Fi, Comic books, you name it. Not only am I Thor's son, but I'm a Jedi Guardian as well. Along with being a Paladin, I cannot stand for injustice and I admire Truth, Honesty, Understanding and Compassion. I consider Star wars (episodes IV, V, VI) to be among the best movies ever made. Geeks fuckign rule, and we are some of the smartest people you'll ever meet. That's why I think too much and admire little shit that most would ignore. Geeks are awesome, and we fucking rule. I'm among the ruling class, mainly BECAUSE I rule.

If you've read all that...actually I haven't thought of an award for you. Perhaps a hug when I see you next? Man hugs are acceptable. Either way, that's my past two days in a nutshell. If anyone finds this either have respect for me, like me, love me, or have nothing better to do. :)

Adios, until next blog.

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