http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2235#comic
Brain Parliament is a funny decision making process sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if it's more complex than real parliament...
The odd part is, the ego, me, being the veto power (yes, with the nerve to veto parliament, I'm not about to cry and forcefeed myself twinkies anytime soon) ultimately feels that each decision made to this point was not of my own whim. I feel as if I have been living my life on someone else's wishes. Of course the fact that each decision you make will be influenced by something (TV, Parents, Videogames, Friends, Webcomics, Role Models, etc) aside, I feel that truly no decision I've made has come without suggestion or order from another. I feel I cannot truly think for myself and that I miss things when I do, important things, things that should not be forgotten. I need to forge my own path and to do that, it must be without doing what others suggest, and reaping the consequences of my actions be they good or bad. I feel that is the only way I am to gain life experience right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to do the opposite of what peopel tell me, because that's jsut spite and will also serve me nothing.
I've not accomplished much in life currently, mind you even Julius Caesar didn't accomplish much at this point in his life. At the age of 45 he had just received his first army, and when he looked upon a statue of Alexander he wept, because Alexander had obtained his army at the age of 20 and had conquered the known world by the age of 27. As of now, I've been accepted to three different schools, with this latest one being Audio Engineering, that decision was mine. I've toured Europe for two months, even then I feel I went to most of the places that my parents wanted me to go to (not that I didn't enjoy it), with only a couple of things I wanted to do. I've successfully held down a job, now going into my 5th year, which is good considering most my age can't do that. I've been playing guitar since I was 15 and, well, I don't consider myself that good, given that I feel basic things are lost on me. I recently discovered that when I concentrate hard enough on learning something new on guitar, I actually stop breathing for a bit, then start again faster and taking deeper breaths thus throwing off my heartbeat and any shred of internal rhythm I have, fucking up my actions. It's frustrating that I forget to do something basic when I'm trying to do something new. Added to that I have focusing issues due to having ADD. I'm not using ADD as an excuse, as far as I'm concerned it isn't and is not a barrier whatsoever, but I notice it in daily living and it frustrates me. I routinely have these issues of losing my train of thought halfway through, scrambling to try and think of soemthing to say and it coming out with wrong word or phrase, or stopping completely wondering where the fuck I was going. It happens all the time, and is frustrating as fuck because it makes me feel like a complete idiot. It hinders memory, I half the time have to ask and re-ask what people say to be sure of what I need to do or remember, which again makes me feel dumb because it's probably something so remotely simple a dog can understand it. I can't remember who tells me what half the time, nor do I remember what I've said to others, only that I know I've said it before. Explaining myself can be a challenge, because a lot of the time people will ask why I'm doing soemthing and I can have a perfectly logical thought patterns and know why I do it, but when asked I go blank, thus giving the impression I don't know what I do or do things without thinking. Half the time my only response is "because I was told to/taught to do it this way" meaning I DON'T THINK FOR MYSELF. Regardless of what goes on in my head, no one sees that and we observe based on what we see, not what we infer. Bottom life of this is, as said before, i feel I've not accomplished anything and my own brain parliament drags itself in multiple directions at once, ultimately being guided by an external source and living on another's wishes, instead of my own.
In life, you need to blaze your own trail, regardless of whare you end up. I simply want to look back on my life and, regardless of how much or how badly I've fucked up over the years, I want to say that it was my decision, this was why, how stupid it was, and be at peace with that. I can't live because someone else suggests or advises me to do something, regardless of his sensical or domineering it is. I need to understand myself, and thus understand why I do things, and dominate this stupid behavioural disorder and re-learn that ADD is not a disease, but a gift. Train muself to use it as an advantage and not a weight as I've been taught it is. But... I do not know how.
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Red Alert
http://www.xkcd.com/220/
You try not doing the same thing day in and day out and not thinking "is this it? Or was I supposed to do something more?"
If you've watched the newest Star Trek movie, remember the scene when Captain Pike was talking to Kirk in the bar? When he says to him "are you content with being the only Genius level repeat-offender in the midwest? Or do you feel like you were meant for something greater?"
Well, that's kind of how I feel...well ok I'm not a repeat offender, at least I don't think so...
Perhaps ultimately that's all I seek and desire, is a change in life or a pathway to what I was destined to be. I am starting Audio Engineering school in October, but is that enough? What if is a dangerous question, but it has crossed my mind and messed up it's wiring. What if I don't find what I'm looking for after my 9 months is over? What then? It's a hard industry to break into. I want to be able to find a team of musicians and get a band together, but I really don't know how to go about that. Mind you one of the new seasonals at work, who works meat department, also plays guitar. So maybe...
Either way, I know I'm young and I will spin my wheels and flounder and nothing will get done, however I'd rather not do this too much. I'm almost 22 years old and I feel I have no major accomplishments in life, aside from spending 2 months in Europe. Even then I feel I didn't make the most out of the trip, as amazing as it was.
I feel as if I've spent too much time as a pissant doing the same thing, but it's a wise occupation to keep while I am in school. I started school doing a history major, switched to sociology, but then right afterwards, switched to Audio Engineering. I love music, so I wanted to be in a field where I could be close to the music industry, even if I'm not the one performing. I'd rather be performing, but there's complications with that too.
Breaking into the recording industry is just as hard as breaking in as an artist. You have to go long periods and shell out dedicated effort while bringing in little income and hope for a decent break. It's a lifestyle, not a job. One I would certainly like to be a part of, however I question whether or not I have what it takes. Am I ready for this? Who is ever ready to do what needs to be done? No one is born ready. You just have to take life by the horns. If you can't dodge it, ram it.
Just as the hero is forced to start his quest to defeat evil, evil is waiting for him, watching him. The hero is weak, but must develop and grow. Without growth he cannot face evil, and he must disccover himself and fight his own inner demons as well. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
While I have no idea what it is I have to do, that's just part of the discovery of life. Unfortunately my uncertainty has a habit of pissing people off, which really doesn't help me in the slightest and keeps making me feel I'm doing it wrong. A friend of mine was talking to me last night, and he is telling me that failure and success are relative designations. Success is short lived in the greater acquisition of power, the more you grow the more that you will fail and succeed. It's wonderful to be able to do something, but eventually you want to do it better. Every success renders the former success as a greater failure. I simply have a habit of punishing myself for failure, which adds to the anxiety and simply hurts me, nothing gets done. Rather than punishing myself, I need to look upon failure as learning and don't punish myself, but encourage. It's a tough habit to break, but keeping your eyes open and being extremely sensitive at all times is a healthy habit. In the end, failure becomes more important than success, because it's the other side to the coin. It's progress, and failure and success are like bitter rivals that are also lovers. Balance, trying to be better than the other, but cannot live without each other.
I need to be harder on myself, but in the right ways, enouraging myself to learn, not punishing myself for failing. It's a tough habit to break, considering I feel I've always been punished for failing. The world expects you to succeed the first time. But that's partly due to the society of instant gratification... And a whole other debate.
You try not doing the same thing day in and day out and not thinking "is this it? Or was I supposed to do something more?"
If you've watched the newest Star Trek movie, remember the scene when Captain Pike was talking to Kirk in the bar? When he says to him "are you content with being the only Genius level repeat-offender in the midwest? Or do you feel like you were meant for something greater?"
Well, that's kind of how I feel...well ok I'm not a repeat offender, at least I don't think so...
Perhaps ultimately that's all I seek and desire, is a change in life or a pathway to what I was destined to be. I am starting Audio Engineering school in October, but is that enough? What if is a dangerous question, but it has crossed my mind and messed up it's wiring. What if I don't find what I'm looking for after my 9 months is over? What then? It's a hard industry to break into. I want to be able to find a team of musicians and get a band together, but I really don't know how to go about that. Mind you one of the new seasonals at work, who works meat department, also plays guitar. So maybe...
Either way, I know I'm young and I will spin my wheels and flounder and nothing will get done, however I'd rather not do this too much. I'm almost 22 years old and I feel I have no major accomplishments in life, aside from spending 2 months in Europe. Even then I feel I didn't make the most out of the trip, as amazing as it was.
I feel as if I've spent too much time as a pissant doing the same thing, but it's a wise occupation to keep while I am in school. I started school doing a history major, switched to sociology, but then right afterwards, switched to Audio Engineering. I love music, so I wanted to be in a field where I could be close to the music industry, even if I'm not the one performing. I'd rather be performing, but there's complications with that too.
Breaking into the recording industry is just as hard as breaking in as an artist. You have to go long periods and shell out dedicated effort while bringing in little income and hope for a decent break. It's a lifestyle, not a job. One I would certainly like to be a part of, however I question whether or not I have what it takes. Am I ready for this? Who is ever ready to do what needs to be done? No one is born ready. You just have to take life by the horns. If you can't dodge it, ram it.
Just as the hero is forced to start his quest to defeat evil, evil is waiting for him, watching him. The hero is weak, but must develop and grow. Without growth he cannot face evil, and he must disccover himself and fight his own inner demons as well. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
While I have no idea what it is I have to do, that's just part of the discovery of life. Unfortunately my uncertainty has a habit of pissing people off, which really doesn't help me in the slightest and keeps making me feel I'm doing it wrong. A friend of mine was talking to me last night, and he is telling me that failure and success are relative designations. Success is short lived in the greater acquisition of power, the more you grow the more that you will fail and succeed. It's wonderful to be able to do something, but eventually you want to do it better. Every success renders the former success as a greater failure. I simply have a habit of punishing myself for failure, which adds to the anxiety and simply hurts me, nothing gets done. Rather than punishing myself, I need to look upon failure as learning and don't punish myself, but encourage. It's a tough habit to break, but keeping your eyes open and being extremely sensitive at all times is a healthy habit. In the end, failure becomes more important than success, because it's the other side to the coin. It's progress, and failure and success are like bitter rivals that are also lovers. Balance, trying to be better than the other, but cannot live without each other.
I need to be harder on myself, but in the right ways, enouraging myself to learn, not punishing myself for failing. It's a tough habit to break, considering I feel I've always been punished for failing. The world expects you to succeed the first time. But that's partly due to the society of instant gratification... And a whole other debate.
Friday, July 29, 2011
My life in Metal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMo1VnoPLBU
Links are now clickable! I don't know why I didn't fiddle aroudn with this more. I'm retarded.
Metal has always been a very, very controversial music to most people. After watching "A Headbanger's Journey" once again, I've decided to talk to you all about my personal reasons as to why I Identify with this style of music.
But first, a brief clarification: Metal isn't all guttoral screaming, rough harsh vocals, uber fast guitar, satanic, or crazy stupid unsophisticated music for unsophisticated people. Sure there is some that is satanic, screaming guttoral vocals, and unsophisticated, but that's where personal taste comes in. Most of the satanic metal originates in the Norwegian Black Metal genre, and I stay away from that stuff. Never could get into it, never wanted to.
Metal is in fact, a very broad genre that's been around sicne the days of psychadelic rock in the late 60's with bands liek Blue Cheer, Cream, and furthering in bands like Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath. It holds its roots firmly in Classical and Blues, and will remain ever true to them. From roots in psychadelic rock, Original Hard Rock, Early Punk, Shock Rock, and British style Blues, came Metal as a full fledged genre. Many subgenres have emerged through the flames, each with their own distinct sound and style. The rest is history my friend.
For me however, Metal represents something. I admit, at first I was scared of losing my shit because I just didn't know! Metal had this cloud of stereotype around it, but I soon discovered it was so much more. In high school I was obsessed with bands like AC/DC, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Eric Clapton/Cream (and I still actively listen to them, great music), but in grade 10 I picked up my first guitar. I had the intention of listening to and playing songs I liked (who doesnt?) but living in a small town such as Rock Creek, the closest music store was in Kelowna, an hour and a half away, and I didn't drive. Only dial-up internet existed so torrenting was out. Though soon enough, I bought Megadeth's "Greatest Hits: back to the start" and my world changed. I discovered Thrash Metal. Ok sure I'd listened to and heard Metallica, but one band isn't enough for a full taste. It's like only ever driving a Ford Pinto and claiming you know what it's like to drive a Shelby Cobra. IT AIN'T RIGHT!!! But then it was born. Somehow, the guitars, the vocals, the drums, it all spoke to me on some spiritual level. The music took me in, made me it's apprentice, and trained me in it's way.
Music is subjective, but it spoke to my interests and views. It seemed to come from the same sheltered history that I did, and understood my thoughts and desires better than anyone did. I got along with my parents, but there's conflicting interests. I wanted to be a guitar player, they wanted different. The music was there for me during a lot of dark times and dark thoughts. It didn't encourage it, it jsut said "hey man, I understand." From Megadeth, Black Sabbath, and Deep Purple I discovered Ozzy's Solo Career, Iron Maiden, Motorhead, Judas Priest, and so on. After Graduating high school I started training myself to have a blues foundation on Guitar, and that's what kicked me off. However when I moved out to Kelowna from Vancovuer, the roomates I lived with opened me up to a greater world of Metal. Power Metal, Modern Thrash, Viking Metal, Symphonic Power Metal, all of it seemed to echo what I had been feelign all along. I craved a desire to be unique and different from the mainstream, and although I'm a small part of a large force, it's not a force that demands you to be sheep. I have opinions, I think about shit before I form opinions, I don't reiterate, I'm passionate about certain things, I get angry at issues, but don't beleive in taking it out on individuals, and I'm a brother to those close to me. The music doesn't alienate me, it encourages me to be who I am, regardless of who that is. It respects me for it. It teaches me to be decisive, confident but not arrogant, understanding, respectful, but also strong in will and open but firm in belief.. It was there for me when going through tough shit in high school, when I was trying to decide on a career, when no one else seemed it understand what I was trying to get across tot hem, and it understood my unique history as an individual. It doesn't tell me I'm weird or different, it just tells me I'm my own person and I respect that. Since then I've taken metal guitar lessons and routinely play metal/rock/blues music on my guitar for the sake of it. It's an energy release, but it's a technical challenge. I like challenges.
You understand that I won't talk about the exact shit I went through. It's jsut rather not spread personal stories over the internet jsut yet. Not until I know exactly who's reading this.
I was thuroughly sad when Ronnie James Dio died. I still salute him every day. I wake up int he morning and I have metal playing on my computer first thing. It's a good wake up. If I've had a bad day, it's there, if I've had a great day, it's all like FUCK YEAH ROCK THAT BITCH. I live in Vancouver now, again, and hey, if any of you know any musicians int he area that can use a jam buddy, I'm in!
There is more to my interests and music than metal, but this is the genre I always come back to (that and Classic Rock) because it's reliable and I'm ever loyal.
It confronted some of the things I feared most, and encouraged me to battle through them. I'm a better person for it. I've helped my friends do the same, but it's nice that something is there for you too. Not saying my friends aren't, but the soul needs to be fed too, without soul, you're emotionally dead and look for gratification instead of working for happiness.
Now as a final fuck you to anyone who may want to shit on my day: \m/
Links are now clickable! I don't know why I didn't fiddle aroudn with this more. I'm retarded.
Metal has always been a very, very controversial music to most people. After watching "A Headbanger's Journey" once again, I've decided to talk to you all about my personal reasons as to why I Identify with this style of music.
But first, a brief clarification: Metal isn't all guttoral screaming, rough harsh vocals, uber fast guitar, satanic, or crazy stupid unsophisticated music for unsophisticated people. Sure there is some that is satanic, screaming guttoral vocals, and unsophisticated, but that's where personal taste comes in. Most of the satanic metal originates in the Norwegian Black Metal genre, and I stay away from that stuff. Never could get into it, never wanted to.
Metal is in fact, a very broad genre that's been around sicne the days of psychadelic rock in the late 60's with bands liek Blue Cheer, Cream, and furthering in bands like Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath. It holds its roots firmly in Classical and Blues, and will remain ever true to them. From roots in psychadelic rock, Original Hard Rock, Early Punk, Shock Rock, and British style Blues, came Metal as a full fledged genre. Many subgenres have emerged through the flames, each with their own distinct sound and style. The rest is history my friend.
For me however, Metal represents something. I admit, at first I was scared of losing my shit because I just didn't know! Metal had this cloud of stereotype around it, but I soon discovered it was so much more. In high school I was obsessed with bands like AC/DC, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Eric Clapton/Cream (and I still actively listen to them, great music), but in grade 10 I picked up my first guitar. I had the intention of listening to and playing songs I liked (who doesnt?) but living in a small town such as Rock Creek, the closest music store was in Kelowna, an hour and a half away, and I didn't drive. Only dial-up internet existed so torrenting was out. Though soon enough, I bought Megadeth's "Greatest Hits: back to the start" and my world changed. I discovered Thrash Metal. Ok sure I'd listened to and heard Metallica, but one band isn't enough for a full taste. It's like only ever driving a Ford Pinto and claiming you know what it's like to drive a Shelby Cobra. IT AIN'T RIGHT!!! But then it was born. Somehow, the guitars, the vocals, the drums, it all spoke to me on some spiritual level. The music took me in, made me it's apprentice, and trained me in it's way.
Music is subjective, but it spoke to my interests and views. It seemed to come from the same sheltered history that I did, and understood my thoughts and desires better than anyone did. I got along with my parents, but there's conflicting interests. I wanted to be a guitar player, they wanted different. The music was there for me during a lot of dark times and dark thoughts. It didn't encourage it, it jsut said "hey man, I understand." From Megadeth, Black Sabbath, and Deep Purple I discovered Ozzy's Solo Career, Iron Maiden, Motorhead, Judas Priest, and so on. After Graduating high school I started training myself to have a blues foundation on Guitar, and that's what kicked me off. However when I moved out to Kelowna from Vancovuer, the roomates I lived with opened me up to a greater world of Metal. Power Metal, Modern Thrash, Viking Metal, Symphonic Power Metal, all of it seemed to echo what I had been feelign all along. I craved a desire to be unique and different from the mainstream, and although I'm a small part of a large force, it's not a force that demands you to be sheep. I have opinions, I think about shit before I form opinions, I don't reiterate, I'm passionate about certain things, I get angry at issues, but don't beleive in taking it out on individuals, and I'm a brother to those close to me. The music doesn't alienate me, it encourages me to be who I am, regardless of who that is. It respects me for it. It teaches me to be decisive, confident but not arrogant, understanding, respectful, but also strong in will and open but firm in belief.. It was there for me when going through tough shit in high school, when I was trying to decide on a career, when no one else seemed it understand what I was trying to get across tot hem, and it understood my unique history as an individual. It doesn't tell me I'm weird or different, it just tells me I'm my own person and I respect that. Since then I've taken metal guitar lessons and routinely play metal/rock/blues music on my guitar for the sake of it. It's an energy release, but it's a technical challenge. I like challenges.
You understand that I won't talk about the exact shit I went through. It's jsut rather not spread personal stories over the internet jsut yet. Not until I know exactly who's reading this.
I was thuroughly sad when Ronnie James Dio died. I still salute him every day. I wake up int he morning and I have metal playing on my computer first thing. It's a good wake up. If I've had a bad day, it's there, if I've had a great day, it's all like FUCK YEAH ROCK THAT BITCH. I live in Vancouver now, again, and hey, if any of you know any musicians int he area that can use a jam buddy, I'm in!
There is more to my interests and music than metal, but this is the genre I always come back to (that and Classic Rock) because it's reliable and I'm ever loyal.
It confronted some of the things I feared most, and encouraged me to battle through them. I'm a better person for it. I've helped my friends do the same, but it's nice that something is there for you too. Not saying my friends aren't, but the soul needs to be fed too, without soul, you're emotionally dead and look for gratification instead of working for happiness.
Now as a final fuck you to anyone who may want to shit on my day: \m/
Thursday, July 28, 2011
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
http://leasticoulddo.com/comic/20060811
Okay, yes, so the comic is directed at Audi, but hey, the principle is still the same.
I do quite thuroughly understand that my last blog post was filled with ramblings and inscessant jabber, so today I will do my absolute best to keep you captivated and prove that my blog isn't just for insomniacs.
I voted to extinguish the HST. This tax saw a shift from the old GST/PST system, GST being the federal tax at 5% and the PST being the provincial tax at 7%. Before the HST was introduced, fusing the two, food, restaurants, hotels, and other things were only taxed at 5%. The Provincial Government, without warning, changed the system and all things that were previously exempt from the PST were now taxed at the usual rate of 12%. In a nutshell it was supposed to save businesses a huge portion on administrative costs and pass the savings onto the consumer, or use that savings to hire more people, but it seemed more apparant that most businesses were rewarding themselves with bonuses instead of hiring. Unemployment slowly went up and there seemed to be bitter resentment. I voted to extinguish it because The Federal government collected all the HST revenue, then distributed it to the provinces. Why should the provinces have to ask for money to spend on programs they are responsible for, such as Healthcare and Education when they had a PST to collect the revenue themselves. Made no sense.
Either way, we Candians are a fucking weird people. We honestly get riled up about Tariffs and Taxes, not because we don't like paying them (which some don't, don't get me wrong) but because we simply like knowing what our government is doing with the money. If they promise healthcare or education or defense or what have you, we tend to be ok with it. We're not about to talk about how our government should privatize everything, or cut corporate taxes to create jobs, or if we should bomb some country because they had the balls to fight and elect a leader! No, we're not like that. I mean come on, we're fucking Canada! We watch hockey, apologize to random people because, hey, we feel for you, bitch about softwood lumber and lack of tariffs, and revel in our world and WHO acclaimed healthcare system.
Seemed odd to add all of that in there, I know, but to my readers in the UK and other parts of the world, it should give you a taste of why we Canadians fucking rule, or at least what we actually do when we drink beer and chop down trees.
But hey, all stuff about how wonderful Canada is aside, my day was fairly uneventful, until about 5 PM. I ask you this: When faced with a challenging, potentially daunting hopeless task of deciding how and when it is time for you to face the music, put the boss key into the door, and stare down Ganondorf in an all guts or no glory-esque cinematic...you get the fucking chills right? That was me today, when faced with the possibiliy that, in roughly a year, I may be the proud owner of a Dodge Challenger. Today, at 5PM, I test drove one for 15 minutes and holy fuck did that thing grab me by the balls and beat me so fucking senseless that when I was done my only possible response was to crawl with my one working arm and beg the car to let me go. It was fucking amazing! Obviously I do not have the money for it now, but come July 4th I'll be a certified Audio Engineer, hopefully with a decent job lined up. If so, CHALLENGER YOU ARE FUCKING MINE! Will there be many episodes of me routinely falling in front of the car screaming "I'M NOT WORTHY!"? Hell yes. Will there be a lot of drinking in celebreation? Let's just say I know a guy who can get a lot of good whiskey...
Sadly that's my Dilemma, wait a year for what I want, or not go with it at all. It has become a goal, a challenge if you will. I like Challenges. Audio Engineering and finding a music job will be a Challenge, so will owning this car. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! Rather... CHALLENGER ACCEPTED!!!
Shit... I think Sub Zero jsut entered my room... not again.
Okay, yes, so the comic is directed at Audi, but hey, the principle is still the same.
I do quite thuroughly understand that my last blog post was filled with ramblings and inscessant jabber, so today I will do my absolute best to keep you captivated and prove that my blog isn't just for insomniacs.
I voted to extinguish the HST. This tax saw a shift from the old GST/PST system, GST being the federal tax at 5% and the PST being the provincial tax at 7%. Before the HST was introduced, fusing the two, food, restaurants, hotels, and other things were only taxed at 5%. The Provincial Government, without warning, changed the system and all things that were previously exempt from the PST were now taxed at the usual rate of 12%. In a nutshell it was supposed to save businesses a huge portion on administrative costs and pass the savings onto the consumer, or use that savings to hire more people, but it seemed more apparant that most businesses were rewarding themselves with bonuses instead of hiring. Unemployment slowly went up and there seemed to be bitter resentment. I voted to extinguish it because The Federal government collected all the HST revenue, then distributed it to the provinces. Why should the provinces have to ask for money to spend on programs they are responsible for, such as Healthcare and Education when they had a PST to collect the revenue themselves. Made no sense.
Either way, we Candians are a fucking weird people. We honestly get riled up about Tariffs and Taxes, not because we don't like paying them (which some don't, don't get me wrong) but because we simply like knowing what our government is doing with the money. If they promise healthcare or education or defense or what have you, we tend to be ok with it. We're not about to talk about how our government should privatize everything, or cut corporate taxes to create jobs, or if we should bomb some country because they had the balls to fight and elect a leader! No, we're not like that. I mean come on, we're fucking Canada! We watch hockey, apologize to random people because, hey, we feel for you, bitch about softwood lumber and lack of tariffs, and revel in our world and WHO acclaimed healthcare system.
Seemed odd to add all of that in there, I know, but to my readers in the UK and other parts of the world, it should give you a taste of why we Canadians fucking rule, or at least what we actually do when we drink beer and chop down trees.
But hey, all stuff about how wonderful Canada is aside, my day was fairly uneventful, until about 5 PM. I ask you this: When faced with a challenging, potentially daunting hopeless task of deciding how and when it is time for you to face the music, put the boss key into the door, and stare down Ganondorf in an all guts or no glory-esque cinematic...you get the fucking chills right? That was me today, when faced with the possibiliy that, in roughly a year, I may be the proud owner of a Dodge Challenger. Today, at 5PM, I test drove one for 15 minutes and holy fuck did that thing grab me by the balls and beat me so fucking senseless that when I was done my only possible response was to crawl with my one working arm and beg the car to let me go. It was fucking amazing! Obviously I do not have the money for it now, but come July 4th I'll be a certified Audio Engineer, hopefully with a decent job lined up. If so, CHALLENGER YOU ARE FUCKING MINE! Will there be many episodes of me routinely falling in front of the car screaming "I'M NOT WORTHY!"? Hell yes. Will there be a lot of drinking in celebreation? Let's just say I know a guy who can get a lot of good whiskey...
Sadly that's my Dilemma, wait a year for what I want, or not go with it at all. It has become a goal, a challenge if you will. I like Challenges. Audio Engineering and finding a music job will be a Challenge, so will owning this car. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! Rather... CHALLENGER ACCEPTED!!!
Shit... I think Sub Zero jsut entered my room... not again.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
A Turning Point
To follow the same tradition I used for my blogs in livejournal, I'm going to find a webcomic that reflects well what I'm going to be talking about here
Expect a lot of XKCD.
http://www.xkcd.com/220/
So I picked this comic because, well, jsut last night I came into a questioning phase, a phase wherein I suffered an existential crisis. Remember when I talked about what I was going to talk about? I know I know I promised you a little about me, and believe me I'll get to that, but first this. Basically I questioned of myself am I actually living, or jsut simply alive? My friend Adam once proposed to me a question very similar, but in videogame terminology. The question carried on as "Do you feel you are going through life on the main quest and advancing to level 40 before you assault the boss? Or are you jsut putzing around doing a bunch of side quests unrelated to the story and you're still level 3?" He was playing a lot of Oblivion at the time and, my understanding anyways, in Oblivion you don't level up unless you do main story quests. Either way it was a profound question, and honestly I had difficulty answering it. I still do. Yes the point of life is to progress and advance yourself, to exist, and to do what is best for you and further your goals and desires so you achieve what you set out to do, but no matter how driven and goal-oriented one is, it is always wise to slow down and smell the roses. The big end boss of life is one no one has yet to conquer (except maybe Jesus, if you're keen on that faith, hard to say for me really) is Death. It is a natural part of life and the very thing that makes us appreciate it, so why try and arrive at the destination sooner? I find myself I'm more about putzing around at level 3 doing everything I can because, even if it's unrelated to what you want to do, experience is experience and everyone should be a teacher, because we can learn and further from each other.
My crisis was simple, what am I actually doing with my life and myself? I felt dead, and unmotivated. A long talk with a good friend of mine on World of Warcraft quickly set me straight. The real reason I felt dead was simple: I felt as if I needed to be loved by someone in relationship form to feel needed and valued, when in truth I should and do feel that way already. Sure it's always nice to have someone, it is what makes us truly whole, but we don't need to actively seek that one person, things will usually fall into place if you let them happen. I'm onyl 21, and shouldn't be worrying about those things. I have bigger fish to fry, I ahve amain quest to trudge through! Though it brought up another reason why I felt dead. I'm my own person, and I live with my parents. I feel I need my own space, however I currently have little means to do so. School combined with current expenses leaves me drained, and I haven't a viable roomate as of yet. True currently the pros outweigh the cons, but I often feel I'm a disappointment, which of course isn't at all true, though I'm consistently in a state of self scrutiny and critisism in every aspect of my life. I feel it's the only way I improve, which is great for me, being a guitar player, to scrutinize my artistic ability, but for EVERY aspect, it ends up leaving me worried about shit I have no business worry about. That'll just shorten life! I've honestly been better than I was, but last night was, different. I guess I'm jsut trying to find my own little niche in this world and I'd rather not force anyone out of theirs, instead peacefully coexisting. But I'm going to rub elbows, conflict is a part of life. Question therefore becomes how will I handle it? Needless to say I solved my crisis, my solution was simply don't change who I am for anyone, don't compromise the aspects about me that make me who I am. In that I gain confidence, I gain pride, I gain a sense of direction and motivation, and I gain inspiration.
So in short, existential crisis was simple: If What I'm to have learn was what I already knew, did I learn anything? Yes I did, because my purpose was to set out learning something that ended up coming back to what I already knew, I had simply forgotten at the time. The purpose of learning is to learn!
Anyways, as promised, a little about me: If you're asleep or have closed the webpage by now, well I can't say I'm surprised. if you're still reading, you either have insomnia or actually consider this waste of webspace drabble and shit interesting.
I'm 21 years old, been walking this earth for almost 22 winters now.
I have Nordic descent and blood in me, mostly Danish, but also Norwegian. English, Scottish, French, Welsh, Italian, Polish, Swiss, German, and probably a few I'm forgetting. Danish/Norwegian genes won out over everything, so thus, VIKINGS RULE!
Speaking of which, I am the son of Thor. It is acceptable if you just call me Thor.
I play guitar, have been for 7 years now. Yes, Thor weilds an axe. I lost my hammer... somewhere in Asgard. If you find it please call me.
I own three guitars, some say too many, none of them are guitar players. I have a Jay Turser SG, Fender HSS Stratocaster, and a Jackson King V Demmelition.
I play mostly Metal and Rock styles, but I love playing blues too. Always learning.
I'm currently drinking Sleeman Honey Brown Lager.
I'm an avid Vancovuer Canucks fan. That isn't going to change. Don't try and make it Change.
I'm a huge fan of music. GOOD Music. I know Music is a very subjective Genre but really, there is universally bad music out there. I will go on rants about this. My Top 3 genres are Metal, Classic Rock and Blues. Will venture into Modern rock, and depending on the day, the order of those genres change. Do not like Country or Hip Hop, some Pop is tolerable but most often annoying as hell. Some days I wish I owned a shotgun.
I love movies of most sorts, save Horror. Do not like horror. Never could get into it. Overactive imagination.
I rant a lot. You'll find this possibly amusing.
I am currently single. Not sure when that'll change, but it'll change for the right reason.
I tend to write a lot...just incase you didn't notice.
Religion? Curious subject, interesting theology and morality, questionable practices.
I'm currently studying, or rather will be studying, to be an Audio Engineer. Yes, I'm going to record shit. Good shit.
I'm a very open person, I like to joke around and skirt the bounds of what is and isn't appropriate. Usually makes people laugh, but I also say sorry for a lot of things.
I also tend to think too much, incase you didn't notice above...
Above all I am a paladin. What I mean by that is I'm a great shield. I stand up for my friends and would rather take a thousand hits than see any one of my friends take one. I'm a protector and a guardian, teaching others, making sure things are safe, posess righteous anger (hence the ranting...) and I do my best to do what I feel is right. So, don't make me angry or pissed. A pissed off Thor is a Thor you don't want to have to deal with.
I have a superhero Alias: Bra-Man (ok fine, it was kind of stolen from Least I Could Do but hey, I didn't see Rayne Summers at any one of my epic parties!)
I'm also known by: Sploch, Captain Irrelevant, Rothgan (or Rotharia on WoW)
Politically speaking I am small c conservative. That means I see society as a connected web where all levels are equally as important and what happens to one will undoubtedly affect the other. There is no separation, in fact it's a ripple and a wave. So I vote based upon who I feel is best reflective of this philosophy. Symbiotic bonding!
Honestly speaking, I'm a huge geek. Sci-Fi, Comic books, you name it. Not only am I Thor's son, but I'm a Jedi Guardian as well. Along with being a Paladin, I cannot stand for injustice and I admire Truth, Honesty, Understanding and Compassion. I consider Star wars (episodes IV, V, VI) to be among the best movies ever made. Geeks fuckign rule, and we are some of the smartest people you'll ever meet. That's why I think too much and admire little shit that most would ignore. Geeks are awesome, and we fucking rule. I'm among the ruling class, mainly BECAUSE I rule.
If you've read all that...actually I haven't thought of an award for you. Perhaps a hug when I see you next? Man hugs are acceptable. Either way, that's my past two days in a nutshell. If anyone finds this interesting...you either have respect for me, like me, love me, or have nothing better to do. :)
Adios, until next blog.
Expect a lot of XKCD.
http://www.xkcd.com/220/
So I picked this comic because, well, jsut last night I came into a questioning phase, a phase wherein I suffered an existential crisis. Remember when I talked about what I was going to talk about? I know I know I promised you a little about me, and believe me I'll get to that, but first this. Basically I questioned of myself am I actually living, or jsut simply alive? My friend Adam once proposed to me a question very similar, but in videogame terminology. The question carried on as "Do you feel you are going through life on the main quest and advancing to level 40 before you assault the boss? Or are you jsut putzing around doing a bunch of side quests unrelated to the story and you're still level 3?" He was playing a lot of Oblivion at the time and, my understanding anyways, in Oblivion you don't level up unless you do main story quests. Either way it was a profound question, and honestly I had difficulty answering it. I still do. Yes the point of life is to progress and advance yourself, to exist, and to do what is best for you and further your goals and desires so you achieve what you set out to do, but no matter how driven and goal-oriented one is, it is always wise to slow down and smell the roses. The big end boss of life is one no one has yet to conquer (except maybe Jesus, if you're keen on that faith, hard to say for me really) is Death. It is a natural part of life and the very thing that makes us appreciate it, so why try and arrive at the destination sooner? I find myself I'm more about putzing around at level 3 doing everything I can because, even if it's unrelated to what you want to do, experience is experience and everyone should be a teacher, because we can learn and further from each other.
My crisis was simple, what am I actually doing with my life and myself? I felt dead, and unmotivated. A long talk with a good friend of mine on World of Warcraft quickly set me straight. The real reason I felt dead was simple: I felt as if I needed to be loved by someone in relationship form to feel needed and valued, when in truth I should and do feel that way already. Sure it's always nice to have someone, it is what makes us truly whole, but we don't need to actively seek that one person, things will usually fall into place if you let them happen. I'm onyl 21, and shouldn't be worrying about those things. I have bigger fish to fry, I ahve amain quest to trudge through! Though it brought up another reason why I felt dead. I'm my own person, and I live with my parents. I feel I need my own space, however I currently have little means to do so. School combined with current expenses leaves me drained, and I haven't a viable roomate as of yet. True currently the pros outweigh the cons, but I often feel I'm a disappointment, which of course isn't at all true, though I'm consistently in a state of self scrutiny and critisism in every aspect of my life. I feel it's the only way I improve, which is great for me, being a guitar player, to scrutinize my artistic ability, but for EVERY aspect, it ends up leaving me worried about shit I have no business worry about. That'll just shorten life! I've honestly been better than I was, but last night was, different. I guess I'm jsut trying to find my own little niche in this world and I'd rather not force anyone out of theirs, instead peacefully coexisting. But I'm going to rub elbows, conflict is a part of life. Question therefore becomes how will I handle it? Needless to say I solved my crisis, my solution was simply don't change who I am for anyone, don't compromise the aspects about me that make me who I am. In that I gain confidence, I gain pride, I gain a sense of direction and motivation, and I gain inspiration.
So in short, existential crisis was simple: If What I'm to have learn was what I already knew, did I learn anything? Yes I did, because my purpose was to set out learning something that ended up coming back to what I already knew, I had simply forgotten at the time. The purpose of learning is to learn!
Anyways, as promised, a little about me: If you're asleep or have closed the webpage by now, well I can't say I'm surprised. if you're still reading, you either have insomnia or actually consider this waste of webspace drabble and shit interesting.
I'm 21 years old, been walking this earth for almost 22 winters now.
I have Nordic descent and blood in me, mostly Danish, but also Norwegian. English, Scottish, French, Welsh, Italian, Polish, Swiss, German, and probably a few I'm forgetting. Danish/Norwegian genes won out over everything, so thus, VIKINGS RULE!
Speaking of which, I am the son of Thor. It is acceptable if you just call me Thor.
I play guitar, have been for 7 years now. Yes, Thor weilds an axe. I lost my hammer... somewhere in Asgard. If you find it please call me.
I own three guitars, some say too many, none of them are guitar players. I have a Jay Turser SG, Fender HSS Stratocaster, and a Jackson King V Demmelition.
I play mostly Metal and Rock styles, but I love playing blues too. Always learning.
I'm currently drinking Sleeman Honey Brown Lager.
I'm an avid Vancovuer Canucks fan. That isn't going to change. Don't try and make it Change.
I'm a huge fan of music. GOOD Music. I know Music is a very subjective Genre but really, there is universally bad music out there. I will go on rants about this. My Top 3 genres are Metal, Classic Rock and Blues. Will venture into Modern rock, and depending on the day, the order of those genres change. Do not like Country or Hip Hop, some Pop is tolerable but most often annoying as hell. Some days I wish I owned a shotgun.
I love movies of most sorts, save Horror. Do not like horror. Never could get into it. Overactive imagination.
I rant a lot. You'll find this possibly amusing.
I am currently single. Not sure when that'll change, but it'll change for the right reason.
I tend to write a lot...just incase you didn't notice.
Religion? Curious subject, interesting theology and morality, questionable practices.
I'm currently studying, or rather will be studying, to be an Audio Engineer. Yes, I'm going to record shit. Good shit.
I'm a very open person, I like to joke around and skirt the bounds of what is and isn't appropriate. Usually makes people laugh, but I also say sorry for a lot of things.
I also tend to think too much, incase you didn't notice above...
Above all I am a paladin. What I mean by that is I'm a great shield. I stand up for my friends and would rather take a thousand hits than see any one of my friends take one. I'm a protector and a guardian, teaching others, making sure things are safe, posess righteous anger (hence the ranting...) and I do my best to do what I feel is right. So, don't make me angry or pissed. A pissed off Thor is a Thor you don't want to have to deal with.
I have a superhero Alias: Bra-Man (ok fine, it was kind of stolen from Least I Could Do but hey, I didn't see Rayne Summers at any one of my epic parties!)
I'm also known by: Sploch, Captain Irrelevant, Rothgan (or Rotharia on WoW)
Politically speaking I am small c conservative. That means I see society as a connected web where all levels are equally as important and what happens to one will undoubtedly affect the other. There is no separation, in fact it's a ripple and a wave. So I vote based upon who I feel is best reflective of this philosophy. Symbiotic bonding!
Honestly speaking, I'm a huge geek. Sci-Fi, Comic books, you name it. Not only am I Thor's son, but I'm a Jedi Guardian as well. Along with being a Paladin, I cannot stand for injustice and I admire Truth, Honesty, Understanding and Compassion. I consider Star wars (episodes IV, V, VI) to be among the best movies ever made. Geeks fuckign rule, and we are some of the smartest people you'll ever meet. That's why I think too much and admire little shit that most would ignore. Geeks are awesome, and we fucking rule. I'm among the ruling class, mainly BECAUSE I rule.
If you've read all that...actually I haven't thought of an award for you. Perhaps a hug when I see you next? Man hugs are acceptable. Either way, that's my past two days in a nutshell. If anyone finds this interesting...you either have respect for me, like me, love me, or have nothing better to do. :)
Adios, until next blog.
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